It wasn't really a hijab.

I was on my senior year in high school when I was first convinced to wear my hijab. Well, it wasn’t really a hijab. At sixteen, I wasn’t even aware of the concept of “hijab”. At that time, I called it “tundong”.

It was Friday. While my Catholic classmates went to hear their First Friday Mass, the rest of us were gathered at the terrace to hear a lecture on Islam. Our guest speaker was a convert who spoke different languages. He went to the stage, silently browsed the audience and asked, “Who among you here is a Muslim?” We all raised our hands. He said, “I only see two.” He then pointed to the two students who were wearing their hijab.

After the lecture, I asked my parents to buy me a “tundong”. I don’t remember their exact reaction to my abrupt decision of covering my hair, but I do remember my mother buying me two pieces of white veil. I then started wearing my veil in school, though not religiously. 

It wasn’t really a hijab. It was supposed to be a hijab but as I look back, I realized that it wasn’t. It didn’t cover my neck or my chest. It covered my hair but exposed my ears. It was just a mere hair covering, and I only wore it together with my school uniform. I guess the lecture didn’t really rub in. But someone had to start somewhere, right?

To write is to unveil.

It is a form of exposure. The writer’s intimate ideas and desire to make them known are comparable to an unveiled woman’s beauty and her longing to be recognized. A writer is comparable to a Muslim woman in a strict Muslim community who dares to remove her veil, and takes the risk of being looked at or criticized the moment she exposes her aurat (or parts of her body that must be concealed from the opposite sex who’s not a member of her immediate family). However, while a writer has his words as weapons in exposing the truth according to his eyes, a woman has her veil to save herself from any exposure to evil glances.

(**This is an excerpt from an essay I wrote in 2005.)

And I'm Back to Blogging

I haven’t written anything decent since I left college in 2005. As someone who majored in Creative Writing, this probably needs some justification. As I often say, law school killed my creative writing skills.

I’ve maintained a number of blogs in the past ten years. I tried blogging on Friendster, Blogspot, Multiply and recently on Wordpress. Blogging had been my mode of releasing my emotions and frustrations in schooling, relations with people, love life, and all those corny stuff. I probably didn’t write anything significant or worth reading. Writing used to be fun until I entered law school.

I remember blogging on Friendster about my experience during my first few days as a law student. That was my last memory of writing. The habit probably died along with Friendster. There were times when I would post some short nonsensical articles on Blogspot and Multiply. They, however, were effortless gestures which I don’t consider as writing.

Law school is one jealous mistress, as my former professor would say. Indeed, I felt guilty performing hobbies other than studying. This is probably why I no longer found time writing. There came a time when I felt like I’ve lost any amount of creative juices that I’ve learned in college. My creative writing language had been gradually replaced by the legal language. As I write this, I struggle as I keep myself from using the words “the same” “thereof” and other phrases commonly used in the exercise of legal profession.

I’ve been meaning to blog since I passed the Bar. Finally, after three long years, I already found the courage to write. This came along with the promise to myself that blogging would no longer be about ranting or maintaining an online diary. This isn’t going to be my diary. I wouldn’t want to look back at my previous posts and cringe on how corny I had been.

This blog isn’t going to be about performing Da’wah, preaching or invitation of some sort, either. I thought I should make it clear. I wish though that I am capable of performing Da’wah but I have to confess that my knowledge on Islam is nothing more than that of a regular Muslimah. This is just going to be some random sharing of thoughts from a regular hijabi lawyer who misses blogging and writing in general.